Vision from the Valley
“Thou has brought me to the valley of vision where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights…”
7 years ago, as our family was walking through consecutive losses of loved ones, I prayed this prayer “The Valley of Vision”*. I believed myself to be in the depths of that valley, not realizing that I would experience the death of 3 more dear ones in the coming months. Not only would I be grieving these new losses, but the grief from the prior deaths was mounting. The depths of my valley got deeper still. I couldn’t hear the Lord any longer. I felt abandoned, not considered, and most of all the most alone I had ever felt. I can’t remember a time prior to that when I didn’t KNOW God was listening. When I felt all alone…when I couldn’t feel the presence of God…when I couldn’t make yet another mundane decision for it was too overwhelming…when I cried the ugly tears… my friends and family offered kindness to remind me that they were there. I don’t remember the exact moment when the knowledge of God’s presence returned, but I remember the sweetness of knowing that my friends’ kindness had also been God’s kindness in providing for me. I knew Him anew. I had been told that feeling the loss of God’s presence was testament to having known him in the first place. As God made himself known, I was anchored in my grief to finally let go and experience the grief of all that I had lost. I had found my compass again.
I would need this compass for future trials, because trials don’t just come once. More losses would come over the following years, and one would land me in a valley that was deeper than the former.
One year ago, as I faced the end of my marriage, divorce became the death of my hopes and dreams shared with the one I thought I would spend my life with. I grieved facing a life without children, a life without a partner that I loved, and the miracle I didn’t see. Once again God felt far off, but this time I knew that despite the distant feeling I had in my valley, God was in the heights AND He was with me. My friends and family once again buoyed me as my life felt like it was sinking.
In this valley, I would hear a song called “Kindness” by Sandra McCracken (appropriately on an album titled “Songs from the Valley”). The lyrics called to me in my depths of grief. Wanting to know more about the inspiration behind the song, I found this blog entry: https://www.sandramccracken.com/songsfromthevalleywritings/2018/3/14/kindness-that-carries
The collective presence of friends had in their kindness carried Sandra McCrackin as she “grieved her past”. The song spoke to my heart and I knew that although this valley felt deeper than my past journey of grief, I was also the recipient of great kindness. My eyes knew to look higher to the Heights, but I needed my friends to help me lift my head so I could see more of God. Like Sandra McCracken, I was “carried by your (their) kindness”.
As I started to emerge from my grief, I started to see the answered prayer in the “valley of vision”…
Lord in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.
In the depths of grief, I could “glory in my valley” and I learned “that the broken heart is the healed heart”. My brokenness allowed me to have a better vision for the kindness around me. And because of the great kindness and comfort I received, my grief became the “valley of vision” where Kindthrough started to take shape.
I wanted others to know they weren’t alone. That as they found themselves in the deep valley of pain and grief after loss, they too could be met with kindness. May Kindthrough help others know more of the “kindness that carries”.
*Resource: (The Valley of Vision by Arthur G. Bennett)