Walking Into Grief
I walk through these halls, knowing that my feet will lead me into rooms where grief is visiting daily. You see, it’s inevitable that one will meet grief on a pediatric hematology/ oncology and bone marrow transplant unit, even with the best prognosis. Grief can visit when the family faces…
The day of diagnosis.
The pricks that we all hate.
The loss of a normal school experience.
The isolation when having to miss graduations, proms, family events, sports and celebrations.
Treatment complications.
Saying goodbye to friends they meet with a similar diagnosis.
And for some, saying goodbye to one another.
Grief is the uninvited guest, yet our families teach us how to live with grief in the midst of the day to day. Rooms filled with cards and messages for the patient, favorite music and movies, laughter over poop (its pediatrics!), and celebrations in the midst of suffering remind us that hope and joy and can still be invited into the midst of grief.
As the treatment team, we too get invited into these moments and learn to live with Grief in our midst. It can be raw. It can be hard. But it is always a privilege. These families are inviting us into their most vulnerable and intimate moments. They are also inviting us into a life changing experience.
“Death concentrates the mind wonderfully…”
Samuel Johnson
I think this can be said of grief as well. When we face losses in this world, we are left to also face the age old questions…
Where is God in this suffering?
How could a loving God allow this to happen?
Do I really believe there is a better place after we die?
Do I believe that God is the only thing that can’t be lost?
Here in these hallways I have learned about how grief and joy can intermingle. I have faced that which I can not fix and sat in grief’s presence. I have learned to cling to the truth I do know despite the innumerable questions that go unanswered.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
John 3:16
“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives in God, and God in them.”
1John 4:16
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:37-39
Setting this truth in my heart is what has allowed me to face my own losses. God doesn’t just love us, he IS love. We were made to be with him, and so the most loving act is that which reconciles us to him. Through his Son, we are granted eternity with Him. Yes, although I may face the darkest of days and be separated from all else, I can not be separated from God.
When the rest of my life seems to be sinking, I cling to this truth. And because of my patients and their families, I know this truth more fully.
May we intentionally walk into grief with others, learning the comfort of God and the truths we desperately need.
May we learn to invite others into our grief, that they too might know of this privilege of grieving together.
May “the peace that surpasses all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” **
Sources: * Quote by Samuel Johnson, quoted in forward of On Death, Timothy Keller. **Phil 4:6