“Dreamline”
“…borrowed from an airplane model, as if to suggest a vantage point from above, in passing, or perhaps from a dream.”
Caption at Dallas Museum of Art exhibit 2019, Dreamline, by Wanda Koop
We had tickets for the art museum together. There was an exhibit we had waited for and planned visiting for months. Little did I know that the words “separation” would fall between the plans and reality.
On that day, alone I wandered into the Dreamline Series exhibit, a less prominent show. I sat in front of this painting by Wanda Koop with yellow drops of paint streaking down an image in aerial view. The caption described the drops to be like rain drops on a window pane. I saw neon tears. I stared at the painting, letting my own tears fall as I faced the uncertain future alone.
My dreams were now crushed. How could I have view of my dreams, if the one I dreamed of being with was no longer with me? Was my future to be an empty canvas? If so, how did I ever paint a new dream? I didn’t have energy for that. I doubted I would get that energy back to dream again. In that moment a blank canvas was devastatingly empty and overwhelming to behold. It was without hope.
When separation became “divorce”, my doubts for my future multiplied. I wondered, “ How could my dreams have been so far off? Had God forgotten about me and my dreams?” My prayer was for redemption of my marriage and although it seemed far off, it was a dream I had worked so hard at. I thought for sure I would see it come because surely God’s plan was for the same redemption??? If I lost my dreams, did it mean I could no longer trust God to hear my prayers?” I asked this over and over, and though past grief had taught me that God walked with me in the brokenness, I felt desolate.
I needed a different vantage point to hope again. I needed a perspective above my current circumstances. I needed to know in the midst of my suffering, hope could exist even if I faced an unknown future.
“My soul has been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is. Then I thought: My future is lost, as well as my hope from the Lord…
Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness! I say: The Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him.” Lam 3:17-18, 21-24
My canvas was not blank to God. God had already been redeeming my circumstances into the future He has for me. He is redeeming my marriage, just not in the way I once dreamed. My new vantage point would not be established by knowing more of my future or the dreams to be painted, but instead more of the God who paints them.
This God cares for me and my ex husband infinitely more than I could imagine. This God grieves with me. And this God although powerful enough to save my marriage, cares about saving people more than the union. In that seeking I found a new perspective, not by painting a new dream, but by rising above the dreams.
May God continue to give me His vantage point in all circumstances- a“dreamline” of my life and those around me.
“What no eye has seen, nor ear has heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Cor 2:9