He Knows My Brush Strokes
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
Jer 1:5
I have this deep desire to be known.
Marriage didn’t fix this. Divorce made me feel rejected for the parts my husband had known. And as I sit through another transition into singleness, I’m not sure I even know myself and all my intricate layers. Sometime I feel as if I am just staring at a painting, rather than being or even knowing the subject. Let me explain…
I have always been drawn to portraits. This painting sat in my Grandmother’s entry way at each home she owned as I grew up. I remember sitting in front of this lady arranging flowers asking the missing artist one hundred questions. Now as it is in my home, I still wonder why the painter chose to paint this lady. I wonder what is significant about her arranging flowers and I wonder how the painting evolved…What were the first brush strokes???
These questions can’t be answered by just looking at the painting. Only the painter can answer all these questions. To know more of the painting, I would need to know more of the painter.
Similarly, just as the painter is the only one that knows all the brush strokes of his paintings, our Creator is the only one that will ever know each stroke that has made us who we are and what we will fully become. Looking back, things that I thought were central to who I am became just the background in this evolving painting of my life. Things I thought I could possibly never get through, became the strokes that remind me today of my resilience and the strength of my God. What once seemed like an ugly stroke in my life, now has been redeemed to make the beauty more obvious. Today I remind myself that my divorce, my grief, is only a brush stroke, not the entire painting. When I face the unknown and the unknown parts of myself, the answers are not inside of me, but instead in knowing more of my creator.
Although I am sure to change, my God never does. His promises do not waver and those promises are being written into my story. I might not be able to answer all of the questions about myself, but as I come to know more about my creator I know more about the work he is doing in me. When I feel lost and uncertain of my future, I am reminded that God has a plan for me and will use every one of the brush strokes in my life. That is his promise.
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Phil 1:6
I’m not certain how this painting will evolve, but I trust that my creator is at work. When I feel unknown, I will remind myself that He knows all my brush strokes. I AM known.